It was 5PM on a Friday. I'd RSVP'd weeks ago for a private dinner. An exclusive event. The kind of evening I literally moved to New York City to attend.

The problem?

I felt like absolute dog sh*t, Reader.

I'd been sprinting for 2 weeks. PMS was making everything heavier. There was some family stuff, some friend stuff, the normal pile-up of being a person who's also running a business.

None of it was big on its own. But all of it together had me emotionally exhausted, overstimulated, overextended, and on the brink of canceling (and maybe, a mental breakdown).

We all know the standard, well-meaning advice in this moment:

That advice is true. But when is it avoidant vs. necessary self care?

The Catch-22

This dinner was the kind of thing I would've wished for 2 years ago.

The kind of room I'd written down on a list of rooms I wanted to be in. The people in it would matter to me later this year, at events already on my calendar, in conversations I'd want to be 3 months deep into rather than starting from zero.

And as someone who's looking to own property on three continents, reach FI/RE when I'm 45, and start a foundation to help more young people see the world... have big dreams. And honestly, I still sometimes don't even know where to start.

But these people in these rooms each have reached a level of excellence where they could not only help me figure it out, but tangibly get me there.

So I needed to decide.

(psst—if you'd rather hear this story in video format on my YouTube, you can watch here)

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Ungatekeeping how I actually decided:

Though I'm a creative, traveler, a dreamer, and an ex-engineer.

Which means I love a system.

The thing I keep coming back to is this: emotions are signals, not decisions.

My emotions were signaling exhaustion, and that signal was real and worth listening to. But the instruction the signal was offering me( cancel!, hide!, retreat!) was a completely different question.

Signals are information. Plans are decisions.

And I made my decision the day I RSVP'd.

I gave myself one honest check before I got dressed: if I couldn't be a quality guest, I'd stay home. That's the difference between pushing through and performative grinding.

The caveat—here's when I wouldn't go.

I mentioned this in the video, but the only time that I really wouldn't push through it is if I thought my presence at the event would be a net negative.

There's a version of pushing through where you show up so depleted that everyone else secretly wishes you'd bailed.

If I thought my attitude was so unfixable, my energy was so draining, and my emotions were so far gone that I might cause a scene or make the people in the room have an irreparably poor perception of me, in that case, it's better to sit your ass at home.

You really gotta know yourself, and call it.

I asked myself if I had a real version of me to bring tonight, even at 60%, and the answer was yes.

So I lowered my expectations on the spot.

Okay, I'm going. So here's the New Plan:

Goals for the evening: meet people, have fun, resist the Irish goodbye, stay long enough to have one meaningful conversation.

That was it. I released myself from the pressure to be the brightest, bubbliest version of myself and gave myself permission to just be present.

Releasing my mental requirement to be the life of the party made attending feel more possible.

So I got dressed. Did my lashes, set my face with the One/Size setting spray that would survive any tears of frustration that fell, painted my lips with my favorite lipstain, and walked down to the Uber.

Still feeling like dog shit.

Still doing it scared, doing it scared, doing it tired.

Was it worth it?

Well, I got home at 1AM.

Words not slurred, but probably a little blurry. Calling it one of the most fun nights I've had in New York since I moved here.

So yes, it was worth it.

The plan held. And the feeling passed.

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The framework I built so I never have to negotiate with 5PM me again.

Delusional Confidence is the practiced certainty that your feelings will not be the one driving the car. The bad feeling is still there. You just stop handing it the keys. Here's how:

1. Break the stillness ASAP. Get up, walk around the block, shower, do a dance in your kitchen, or pace. A body at rest will convince itself it belongs there. You have 5 minutes: use them to move, not to decide.

2. Establish an escape hatch before you leave. Mine was: "If the vibe is off after 30 minutes, I'm allowed to dip and find a bar alone." Having the exit written down is what makes the front door easier to walk through. You're only committing to showing up. The rest is optional.

3. Lower the goal until it's un-killable. I didn't go to be the most magnetic person in the room. I went to meet one person and have a meaningful conversation. Just one. When the bar is human-sized instead of highlight-reel-sized, showing up stops feeling like a performance.

If I want you to take away anything, it's this: the feeling will still be there.

The vision needs to be louder.

P.S. If you have a friend who's about to talk herself out of something tonight—the dinner, the workout, the launch, the date, the trip she's been dreaming about for a year—send her this. The 5PM version of her doesn't need a pep talk. She needs the framework.

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Your voice, my feed. Vote for next Instagram video: which story do you want next? F1 Miami Girls Trip Recap 🏁 My Jamaican Citizenship Journey 🇯🇲 Everything I'm doing to prep for Barbados Cropover 🇧🇧 I'm doing my Will and Testament soon... Here's why.

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• 🎓 I dropped this crazy story of how one bad grade almost lost my scholarship freshman year, and how I had an insane comeback after doing this one unexpected thing. It's a life lesson on not letting your emotions be the driver, and instead, changing the game.
• 🎥 Loved this video that explains, what is FI/RE? I'm locking in on my money in every aspect this year, yall.
• 🎥 This one-hour podcast interview with Jodie Kay was so insightful on the realities of building your Dream Life as a first-gen. For all of us women dreaming big without a trust fund, sponsor, or rule book—you'll love it too.
• 🇪🇸 Have you ever found a hotel that's exactly your aesthetic? I discovered the Brach Madrid Hotel and... it's literally my Pinterest boards come to life. I had to put y'all on before European summer.
• 💡 Went viral recently for this innovative creator tool I shared in my new Packs Light Approved ✅ series. It's ruly a Work Smarter Not Harder hack that helps me shoot a video quickly in any environment. Literally.

Freedom with structure. On your own terms.

Reply and let me know if this email inspired you, struck a chord, or makes you want to ask me something. I'll reply, or pop it in next month's edition.

Til next time,

Gabby 🌺